Closer Than · a reflection tool for two

The Triangular Theory of Love — and a test you can actually take together

In 1986, psychologist Robert Sternberg proposed that love is made of three distinct components: intimacy (the closeness and connectedness you feel), passion (attraction and desire), and commitment (the decision to stay and build). Different combinations of the three describe recognisably different kinds of love — from close friendship (intimacy alone) to romantic love (intimacy + passion) to what Sternberg called consummate love, where all three are present.

Why a "test" of it is useful

Most couples never name which components are strong and which are thin — they just feel the mismatch. Mapping your relationship onto the triangle turns a vague unease ("something's off") into something specific you can talk about ("we're close and committed, but we've stopped protecting passion"). Research suggests the conversation that follows matters more than the score itself.

What Where We Stand measures

Where We Stand is a five-minute reflection built on Sternberg's triangle — and it goes two steps further. It also looks at what you call the relationship versus what you've actually built together, and at which direction each component is moving, drawing on the Gottmans' couples research and attachment theory for the communication and bonding reads. You can take it solo, or both partners answer separately and see their sides compared.

Private by design

All scoring runs in your browser — the reflection can be completed without your answers ever being sent to a server, and raw answers are never stored server-side. It's a mirror, not a database of your relationship.

Related: how to do a relationship check-in · Attachment styles in relationships

Where We Stand, by Closer Than, is a research-based reflection, not therapy, diagnosis, or a verdict. It draws on the published work of Robert Sternberg, John and Julie Gottman, Caryl Rusbult, and attachment researchers; it is independent and not affiliated with, or endorsed by, these researchers or their organisations. © Closer Than · closerthan.app